


Magic Dicks

by Anonymous



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Blackouts, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Deliberate Badfic, Dick Booping, Eating Disorders, Healing Sex, Light bulbs, M/M, Melodrama, Men Crying, Nonnies Made Me Do It, Peggy sucks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, True Love, Violent Thoughts, Wangst, die for our ship, infantilization of Bucky, natasha is an Awesome Lady, sam sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 14:19:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6288001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when Steve and Bucky get together but Sam wants Steve?!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Magic Dicks

"Steve lets touch dicks" said Bucky who was the winter soldier. Steve couldn't do it cause he was too busy breaking down so Bucky called on Natasha and Sam to do something about it.

"He needs a bucket of water on his head." so she emptied the bucket on his head and Steve recovered. Natasha disappeared and Sam got eaten by a dragon so Steven and Bucky booped dicks together.

Except then one day the dragon puked Sam up and Sam wanted Steve back. Natasha was cool and badass because she was A Lady but she couldn't be paired with anyone or she'd lose her coolness. Just like poor victim Peggy Carter who was paired with Thor for some reason.

Steve and Bucky were happy together until Sam showed up again and did something mean to trigger Bucky's PTSD! Oh no! Bucky went into a heroic BSOD which was also humiliating because he and Steve were out shopping for light bulbs when it happened.

 

"It's been a whole week but it feels like months since Sam showed up and hit Bucky with a rubber chicken," Steve said sadly. "Natasha, be a badass and help me fix it. He won't eat, he has violent episodes, he blacks out, he won't take care of himself...he's basically a grown man totally infantilized."

"I know, that's why I can't do anything," Natasha said. "You're his true love, it's your job to make it better. Preferrably with your penis."

"Oh yeah. Thanks, badass lady." Natasha went off to be a kickass single gal again so she wouldn't be in the way of Steve healing Bucky with his magical penis.

Bucky was having another episode when Steve got home. He was pale and thin with sharp hipbones and wide childlike eyes, and when he sensed Steve he dropped to his knees and started whimpering. For some reason this made Steve have a boner.

"Come to bed, darling, and let me take care of you."

Bucky did as his lover asked and they booped their dicks gently together. Somewhere this made Sam fall into a volcano and this time he'd never come back! Bucky felt better after their dicks booped together and then Steve made him soup and fed it to him while wrapping him in soft blankets.

Everything was okay again!

**Author's Note:**

> The only way ladies can be worth anything in this fandom is if they're single. Otherwise, fuck 'em.
> 
> Now, about my OTP: Bucky is soooo traumatized and angsty and it makes him so fascinating and sexy! Isn't it cute how he breaks down and Steve totally has to comfort him? That's so like real life, right down to the healing dicks!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Why Magical Dicks Is OOC And Unrealistic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6307009) by Anonymous 
  * [Pure Healing Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6311752) by Anonymous 




End file.
